The Barefoot Girl…

Why do you say you don’t care?

By Raquel Strange
Berlin, Summer 2014

Song: Trois Gymnoped by Gary Numan


Girl: [In regards to a film I was planning to make with her] So, I thought it would be good for the movie, as well. Like, in comes a girl and I’m really gonna have this emotion of— first meeting— ‘hi!’ What am I gonna say? Is she really finding me attractive? Um, yeh, no — that’s so heterosexual!

Oh, you know, it was really funny— this guy I’m with now— he’s really, he’s not masculine at all. It’s like — he looks like a flower, actually. He’s really soft and always speaks really respectfully, and the way he grabs, or when he eats apples he… smells them first, but really deep into it, and then he kind of licks it. And I was like, “what are you doing?!” He’s like, “I really respect apples.” I was like, “Haha, okay!”

We took LSD one time and I was looking at him and I just saw this beautiful woman, and I was like, “wow, she’s so beautiful, she’s extraord—“ and I was like, “No, no, no, that’s a man, what are you saying? …No, that’s such a beautiful woman.” And I told him and he was so happy, he was like, “I’m so happy you can see me as a woman!” Still, it’s really sweet.

[Something about it being written in Spanish] and I’ll translate it as I read it.

If I could just vomit, fall, fall completely, and cry
He wants distance of my desparativity(?) —
Then, why did you stay?
I do not lie, I warn you
I don’t know why, but I have a knife in my hand
and I will stick it really deep in you
You come and I say “careful”
and I show you the knife
and you say, “it’s okay!”
I stick it until the end and you say you have to go
and I am covered with blood and alone
and I say, “I’m not victim,” I— no, I say, “YOU’RE not the victim,
you’re free to stay complete and happy between flowers.”
Leave me alone with my knife, I’m not afraid of sticking into myself
but you come, “Oh, what a pretty girl!”
and I say, “No, idiot, I’m gonna hurt you.”
You find again a place between my — these bones —

Me: Ribs!

Girl (cont.): ribs and you say “there is fat”
This time I can say, “Yes, I’m alive, and I eat, and I have fat.”
The time gets two times quicker, but let’s keep the peace, and let’s give each other space,
and trust me that when you bite things slowly they taste better
And you cannot judge a process before it finishes
and you and I are always gonna be a process in process.

Why do you say you don’t care?
And don’t be sorry for being fucked up, you’ve said sorry so many times today
Hey, I’m sorry for this, that’s really stupid, blah, blah, blah

Me: Well, it is!

Girl: It is not. Absolutely not.


Category: Funny